What am I letting be messy right now?
Are you a clean freak? Does your house always has to look like no one lives in it? Do you feel like you can’t go about your day without cleaning first? Do you feel like no-one in your house is not pulling their weight?
Yea. I’m right there with you! I’m very particular about how I like to have my home. If it’s not in order or “clean” I can’t really focus and it throws off my day. I don’t know why I have always related peace with clean or why I cannot function with a messy house. I think it’s because it’s something I can control. Sometimes my husband can sense when I am overwhelmed and tries to help. He starts cleaning but he doesn’t do it the way I would and then invisible resentment starts to settle in and start thinking thoughts like “ugh no one does anything around here”. “No one cares” etc. etc.
What made me think of change
However, I’m taking a hard look at myself lately and have been doing some self reflection. I have realized that I am constantly feeling “on” and i’ve been having trouble shutting it off so even when I am in bed I cannot turn it off. Sometimes being busy just burns us out constantly. I’m learning that I cannot clean my way into peace, honestly, it's just making me tired. I’m tired, I’m tired, and I’m tired. It’s what I constantly keep saying lol. That has forced me to look inward.
Why I am letting my home be messy right now
Right now, I have a load of clothes in the washer, clothes in the laundry basket, random things on our kitchen table and the dogs need a haircut. I’m also leaving the dishes in the sink until tomorrow morning. For the longest time I have designated a task to someone else in the house like my husband, or my daughter. However, when they don’t it to my standards (crazy, I know) I just tell them to forget it and do it myself. Again, adding so much more to my plate. I’m also those people that if I have something on my to-do list I do it. I’m burning the candle on two ends.
Looking beyond the mess
So, I stepped back and looked beyond mess. I opened the journal and noticed that I have a schedule that I do not adhere to. It’s my “ideal” schedule lol. That’s a mental load I didn’t even know I had. My routine is never the same, and my expectations are SOOO high. That’s a problem. I realized I have a little problem and I THINK it has to do with control.
What am I learning?
I’m learning as I go but the important part is that I’m learning! I’ve learned that a clean home doesn’t necessarily = calm & control does not = peace. I am however, controlling our personal space like our bedroom…that’s a heck of a lot easier to control than the WHOLE damn house that houses 3 people, and two dogs. So, when I need a break, I go the room that I have clean. The room can be whatever, your office, your bedroom or whatever you prefer. When I need a moment I go to the room and take a minute and let the rest of the house just be. Of course, I’m not a slob and we still clean but I let my husband do it his way or I let my daughter do it her way. Afterall, a messy home is proof that we are alive and well. It’s not a stage home, it’s a real home! Learn to delegate to others, let it go. You’ll feel better or at least I do.
A messy home is not failure!
A messy home doesn’t mean that you’re a failure, it does not mean you’re a bad parent or that you’re any less. You’re kids will one day leave you and the finger prints you keep cleaning on the door will not always be there, the dogs that shed their hair are only with you for a certain time and it’s not long. Maybe it’s a season, maybe it’s longer than a season. Regardless, you’re not always going to be as busy as you now, you’re not always going to have a long list, and you’re eventually going to have time to do the things you need to do. But for now, for your sanity maybe let the dogs eat the crumbs off the floor instead of vacuuming, let your husband store the crockpot leftovers in the fridge, or leave the dishes in the sink until the morning.
So there’s only one question for you today….What are you letting be messy today?